This Blog Has Moved!

I moved my blog on New Years Day, 2010. If you haven't come to see my new blog, head on over HERE now. This blog will be available for archive reading but I won't be posting here anymore. I hope you'll join me at my new bloggy home!

p.s. I am slowly but surely moving all the blogs I follow over to the new blog, so if I haven't come to visit you for a while, my advice is to leave a comment on my new blog, so I don't miss you in the shuffle!

About Me

My photo
I am a bereaved mother and wife. I began this blog to help me look for the "good things" in life after my daughter, "Babybear", died in July 2005. Three years later, her daddy, my husband, "Bear", died in November 2008. (You'll find a link to their stories on my blog) And now, as difficult as it is, I continue to look for the good things in my life as I learn my new normal with my pup, "Furrybear", at my side. And the angels on my shoulder...

Saturday, August 30, 2008

Another Update (Updated again!)

Surgery went well. I have not seen him yet today, but when I saw him yesterday, he was fully awake and with exception of normal post-surgery pain, he was doing alright. Strength in his arms improved alot just from having the mass removed. There may be some permanent damage though.

The mass was actually higher up the back than I thought. It was not actually on the spine as I mentioned before, but instead it was pressing against the spine, and that was causing the pain in his shoulders and back. The surgeon believes that the mass was indeed cancer. I assume they have sent it for further testing, and I think this time he will get chemo and / or radiation, which he did not get last time because his tests came back cancer free.

You have to understand this is very strange for me. I am used to being the one in the hospital bed or going to the doctors. I have known my husband since my 18th birthday and with exception of an occasional cold, I have not known him to be sick. This is his 3rd surgery this year!

I am going to head over to the hospital in an hour or so. I would go spend the whole day there but I had to do some things around here, and I did not want to leave Emma in the kennel all day and evening. I wish he was at a closer hospital, so I could go back and forth. As it is, it's a half hour drive to get there through lots of traffic and construction zones. Maybe it won't be too bad today being a Saturday.

I will keep posting updates... Thanks again everyone for your prayers and well wishes.


I just got home from being with B for the last few hours. He is feeling more pain today as they are not administrating pain killers on a regular basis anymore. They took off the leg massagers but today he had a harness to keep his back straight. They want him to learn to sit up again so for an hour we gradually put the bed in a sitting position, little bit by little bit. Then they came in to help hm stand up. It took him a good 10 minutes to stand up but once he was up, he was able to walk fine, although not without pain. He will be in the hospital for at least a week, if not more. The doctor came in before I got there and told B that the pathology results show that it was definitely another bought of the same cancer as before. He will likely start chemo and / or radiation shortly. Also physio therapy for the strength he loss. This cancer being so close to the spine causes alot of damage in a short period of time and quite frankly he should not have been able to walk when we arrived there. That's how bad it was.

I think I will keep updating on this particular blog entry so I don't keep starting new blogs. I will put a link to this on the sidebar so anytime you want an update, just click there and it should lead you to all posts about this.

Friday, August 29, 2008

Update on My Husband

The surgeon came to see my husband around 8:00 this morning. I had called at 7:30 (after getting to bed after 2:30 am and waking up every few minutes) and he had not seen the surgeon yet. Anyway, they decided to do the surgery right away. At the time I talked to my husband, he was about to go for xrays and EKG. Following that he was going to the OR. I just spoke to the nursing station and they said he has gone in and that he will probably be in for a few hours at least. Depending on what they find, what needs to be done, and how long it takes for him to recover. So, they told me to call back later this afternoon and they will let me know if I can come see him.

I took the day off work, though I do need to pop by the office to renew my supplies, get my schedule for next week and my pay cheque. It is hard being home alone right now. Emma knows something is wrong. She is also really tired because she was worried yesterday that we left her alone at night, which is not a very common occurrence for both of us to be gone at night time.

When I came home at 1:30 AM, I let her out to potty, and she ran outside and started looking for her daddy. She was so upset that he wasn't home too and she had to chew her bone for over an hour to settle down. She has been sleeping most of the day so far.

Anyway, if you're the praying kind of person, please pray. I wish I knew how to pray. I only know how to beg and to curse. Both of which I've done in the past several hours.

You can still enter my giveaway. You can still vote Emma for Canine Idol. It's good to have some distractions.

My Husband is in the Hospital

He called me at work and told me that the clinic called him at his work and asked him to come for an MRI this afternoon. I told him to call me when he is done then I will come pick him up. He called me just as I arrived home. Since Emma had been in the kennel for 7 hours, which was about 2-3 hours longer than I thought she would be, I took her with me to pick him up. On the way there, my cell phone went off but it was in my pocket and I was driving so I couldn't get it. It turns out that just as my husband was walking out the door after calling me, the nurse ran out and called him in. They told him that the results of the MRI were bad and he must go to the other hospital immediately and the spinal surgeon will be there waiting for him in the emergency ward.

So, I arrived to pick him up, with Emma in the back seat. He got in the car and started crying. If you know him, he never cries. The only time I have ever really seen him cry was when our daughter died and when we brought her home in her ugly little bottle.

Of course, seeing him cry, I knew something was wrong and he told me that we had to take Emma home and go back to the other hospital. After nearly an hour of driving, we arrive at the emergency clinic and they have no idea what we are talking about. They page the spinal unit and tell us to wait. We wait for nearly 3 hours and my husband is in so much pain that he decides he does not want to wait anymore. We went and told them that we were going to leave and they can call us when they hear back from the spinal unit. So we got in the car and drove half an hour home and we see that they have called just a minute before we walked in the door. We called them back and the surgeon assistant or whatever he is says they are waiting for us, come back immediately. So we have not eaten. I still have not eaten since I got back because I'm too upset to cook myself some food.

Anyway we get back and finally we get called back to where the surgeon assistant or whatever he is, and he tells us the results of the MRI show a growth on his back. Now in the last 5 or 6 weeks, we have been told he sprained his muscles, he has a pinched nerve, he may have a herniated disc. But today, we are told there is a mass growing on his spine, possibly cancer, and that is the reason for all his pain. In fact they said he should not be walking... it's that bad, I guess.

So now he is in the hospital being drugged up and in the morning the head surgeon will arrive and assess him and determine a course of action.

I'm scared.

Wednesday, August 27, 2008

Blogoversary Giveaway

Whew! I'm late for my own blogoversary!

I almost forgot I had a meeting. And I'm the one who planned it! But now that's over, so here I am!

I have decided to celebrate my blogoversary by hosting a little giveaway!

Here's what you could win:

It's not much, but the bookmark I mentioned in this post, and a little journal I altered to match.

I haven't laminated the bookmark yet, so this is the unfinished product in the photo. The person who wins this will have to give me constructive criticism and let me know what they really think of my crafts. Be honest, let me know if it falls apart within 2 days or anything like that! It's my first journal!

To win: Post a comment here.... introduce me to a favorite blog of yours.... that's NOT on my blog roll. I will randomly pick a winner on Monday. Canadian and American addresses only, please.

Note: Your comment won't count if it doesn't follow the giveaway rules! Aw!

Good luck!

And Thank you!

Thank you for being a very important part of my blog. I thrive to continuously better my blog for my readers, and for myself too. I hope I will continue to be a part of this wonderful bloggyville community that I've come to know and love!

***Contest Now Closed.... Winners to be announced soon! ***

It's My Blogoversary!

Today is my 1st Blogoversary! Come back tonight for a celebration! :)

Tuesday, August 26, 2008

Mixed Emotions

It made me a little happy, and a little sad, to finally see my daughter's name in a Baby Name Book. I had never seen her name in a baby book before. What possessed me to look, I don't know, but I'm kinda glad I did.

Sunday, August 24, 2008

I Scream For Gelati!

My husband got on my good side today by surprising me with some gelati.

On the Left is Amaretto, and on the Right is Strawberry Cheesecake. My two favorite flavors!

I tell you, it's like Heaven in a bowl! YUM!

Saturday, August 23, 2008

Vote For Emma! PUH-LEASE!

As I mentioned in this post, We have entered Emma in our local Canine Idol!

It turns out that ANYONE can vote, not just locals as was the case last year. So, if you would like to vote for Emma, please click here. You can vote once a day until September 5th.
Many thanks in advance!

Friday, August 22, 2008

Wylde Women Award

Sarah left me this award. It is called Wylde Women Award.

I was truly touched by Sarah's words as to why she left the award for me. You can read it here.

The purpose of this award is "to send love and acknowledgment to women who brighten your day, teach you new things and live their lives fully with generosity and joy". You can send it to one person or 100 - the choice is up to you.

And so, besides Sarah, who inspires me to create, I would like to share this award with:

Jo - who I can always count on to make me smile by telling me a story about her peanut-butter-addicted pup!

Kimberlee - whose photography inspires me to become a better photographer myself.

Shea - who just happens to be a little wilde.

Joc - who has been a great friend the last few years.

Oh, I could go on and on... Really. I think you ALL deserve this award!

Tuesday, August 19, 2008

Curves Update

Today was measurement day. I am again surprised and happy with results. My weight did not change much, but what counts is that the inches are dropping.

Waist - .75 inches
Abs - 1.5 inches
Hips - 1 inch
Thighs - 1.5 inches
Arms + 1 inch

She didn't write down my bust so I think it was the same. She also didn't write down my Body Fat or BMI but I think it was either the same or slightly lower.

In any case, I'm so happy with the fact that my inches are going down. I was a bit disappointed that the scale hasn't been changing much over the last few weeks but I kept reminding myself to wait until I get the measurements because that's where the real truth lies.

Truth be told, I have not been changing my eating habits, and goodness knows, I still drink way too much Cola. I do eat relatively healthy most of the time, but I do really need to lay off the cola, and I all the alternatives besides water and milk seem to be full of sugar too!

Here's hoping the inches keep dropping!

Monday, August 18, 2008

Got Junk?

When we got our new floors, we had the option of paying extra to have the floor company take away any garbage they left behind. We opted not to do this because we had so much more junk that needed to go.
So, over the last couple of weeks, we have emptied out our shed and piled up junk in the basement to be taken away. We also trimmed the apple tree and put some of the branches in the pile too. The freezer was the one left behind by the previous owner, and it was too big for us to do anything with it ourselves. Friends helped us take away the stove and refrigerator they left behind in the basement last year, but the freezer just would not fit. I have no clue why these things were there in the first place as there were no electrical outlets even close to where they were. Besides that, they didn't even work!

We contacted the 1-800-Got-Junk guys. Even though they were a little pricey, their service was good. I wasn't home but my husband said they called right when they said they would, and they arrived right when they said they would. They carefully took everything out of the basement and they even cleaned up around the driveway. Service like this is worth paying extra for.
Even though we're a long ways away from getting the basement organized, as it's low on our priority list, it's certainly nice having that extra space. Not to mention crossing that off our way-too-long To-Do List.
(argh! I promise, I had breaks between the paragraphs, but Blogger made them disappear and I can't get them back!)

Sunday, August 17, 2008

Angel Bookmark

I was in a bit of a crafty mood, so I made this bookmark. I will have to get it laminated, but I think it turned out alright. What do you think?

I used 2 heart stickers, one I cut in half to make the wings. The rest of the angel is made of card stock. I had a sticker that said "dreams" so I thought I would add it for a final touch.

I may even punch a hole in it after it's laminated and put a nice ribbon in it to make it more bookmark-ish.

I really want to get back into my crafting. I wish I had time, inspiration and motivation all at the same time!

Saturday, August 16, 2008

Canine Idol

Our local newspaper started a contest called Canine Idol last year. We entered Emma in the contest but did not win enough votes. This year we have entered her again, and below you can see a couple of the photos we submitted. We were allowed to post 15 photos but I only posted six.

If you live locally, and want to vote for Emma, let me know, I'll pass along the website to you. Voting starts August 23. Last year, people who lived outside the region were unable to vote, so I assume the same is true again this year. Too bad, we might have won!

Keep your fingers... crossed for Emma to win the Idol!

Friday, August 8, 2008

Bloggy Update

My 1st Blogoversary will be in just a couple weeks. (keep your eyes open....I'm hoping to come up with a fun way to celebrate!)

I started this blog as a way to focus on some of the better aspects of my life. I don't know if I completely succeeded in this but I believe that I have started my way. It has given me an outlet for discussing a wide variety of topics. I have been challenged to push myself to get organized or be more creative and to actually do some of the things that I have on my "to do" lists, both the fun and the necessary.

I thought I would ask you, my readers, to please comment and let me know what you like about my blog. What can I do to improve my blogspace? Are there topics that I speak too much about, or topics in which you wish I would touch base on more often?

What draws you to my blog? What brings you back to peek into my corner of the world?

In reading up on how to have a successful blog, I feel that I need to make some changes. I am in the process of trying to figure out the best way to do this. Some fellow bloggers write only during the week. Others have a specific topic designated for each day of the week. Still others just randomly speak about whatever is on their mind that day. I have a feeling that I'm one of those people who needs strict organization for their blog in order to make it a little more successful, or more satisfying to both myself and my readers.

And so, I welcome your comments.... let's hear what you have to say!

Tuesday, August 5, 2008

Portraits By Dana

This portrait of my daughter was drawn by a wonderfully talented artist who has not only been blessed with the ability to draw, but the ability to see our children the way we, the parents, do.

I had seen her work many times over the last few years as other bereaved parents posted their portraits on SHARE. I knew this was something I wanted to do, and I finally decided not to wait any longer.

Dana is not only talented, but also a very kind and understanding person. She made sure that her drawing was exactly what we wanted. She looked at the photos and told us what she thought she could do. In fact, the photo she chose to portray was one that I rarely ever share, as I never thought it was that great of a photo.

One of my biggest regrets was not seeing my babybear with a little bear of her own. Shortly after she died, I saw this cute little bear at the dollar store and I just had to buy it. I took a photo of that bear and sent it to Dana and she included the bear in the portrait.

What is absolutely amazing, is that Dana only saw photos of my daughter, who at only 26 weeks gestation was not much bigger than a 20 week old baby. Yet, she was somehow able to see exactly how I see my daughter, and even more amazing, she was able to capture just how much my daughter looks like her daddy and his family without ever seeing a photo of them. In fact, she looks almost exactly like her cousin, with exception of a dimple on my daughter's chin.

I absolutely recommend Dana's work, and I urge you to check out her website, Portraits By Dana, to see some of the amazing portraits she has done.

Thank you, Dana, for using your talent to capture the spirit of my baby. I will be forever grateful.

Monday, August 4, 2008

Bye Bye Ugly Carpet!

Last week, we finally said adios to our ugly carpet and got some nice new hardwood floors. Here are some before and after photos!

Upstairs hallway
As you can see, we discovered that there was parquet under the carpet upstairs. We never thought to look under the carpet here because the stairs and the carpet downstairs did not have anything underneath. But we still had the nice floor installed as planned.

Top landing of stairs


We never got around to painting the stairway or the hall upstairs. Hopefully someday, though I think we'll have to tape down the tarps this time!

Facing front entrance

In the second photo you can really tell our paint color. It was all white before like the door. I am thinking of painting the door a chocolate brown until we can replace the door.

Living Room
I think it looks really nice with our couch. Though I think the couch looks old all of a sudden!

And here's a shot of our new curtains and curtain rod. I can't find a before photo (I know there's got to be one!), so here's one I took of Emma in front of the curtains last fall.

Still to be done in this part of the house:
  • new baseboards
  • put things up on the wall
  • new mat for front door
  • new coffee table/end tables
  • new bookshelves
  • new tv stand
  • new tv
  • new windows
  • new door
  • new lighting
  • paint stairway and hallway

It may take a while to get all this done but we will just take it one step at a time. I'm just so glad to be finally rid of that ugly carpet!

Friday, August 1, 2008


Sarah, from 2paws designs, has given me this award! I feel so special. I don't know if my blog is really all that brilliant, but I thank you for thinking so.

The rules for this award are:

  • The winner can put the logo on his/her blog.
  • Link to the person you received your award from.
  • Nominate at least 7 other blogs.
  • Put links to those blogs on yours.
  • Leave a message on the blogs of the people you have nominated.
In alphabetical order, I nominate:

  1. Angel Wings and Boyish Things
  2. (The) Fascinating Girl
  3. I'll Cry If I Want To
  4. (The) Infertility Chronicles
  5. Snapshots of Life
  6. Viva Voce
  7. Really, how am I supposed to choose just 7.... so I pick all of you!

(p.s. some of you might not get a message from me about this award til later because for some reason I'm unable to get into other blogs tonight. No clue why. I keep getting a window saying that windows explorer can not open this website (insert blog url here) even though it has already opened it.)