This Blog Has Moved!

I moved my blog on New Years Day, 2010. If you haven't come to see my new blog, head on over HERE now. This blog will be available for archive reading but I won't be posting here anymore. I hope you'll join me at my new bloggy home!

p.s. I am slowly but surely moving all the blogs I follow over to the new blog, so if I haven't come to visit you for a while, my advice is to leave a comment on my new blog, so I don't miss you in the shuffle!

About Me

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I am a bereaved mother and wife. I began this blog to help me look for the "good things" in life after my daughter, "Babybear", died in July 2005. Three years later, her daddy, my husband, "Bear", died in November 2008. (You'll find a link to their stories on my blog) And now, as difficult as it is, I continue to look for the good things in my life as I learn my new normal with my pup, "Furrybear", at my side. And the angels on my shoulder...

Tuesday, July 22, 2008

The Day She Flew Away

It was July 22, 2005. A Friday. I had an appointment with the obstetrician at 11:30 AM. Being on bedrest, I had nurses coming to my house every day with exception of the days I had doctor's appointments. They came to check my blood pressure and the baby's heartrate. All week, my baby's heartbeat was relatively normal for her. The day of my obstetrician appointment, her heart was racing. I can't remember the number off hand but it was way higher than it had been. The obstetrician said there's nothing to worry about because it was still in the range of normal. I argued that it was not normal for my baby. My baby's heartrate is usually alot lower than that (but still in the normal range).

Well, I argued to no avail, and he sent us on our way. He did not schedule us another ultrasound, and he did not do any physical examination or do anything other than check the heartrate and my blood pressure.

We had to stop at the hospital to drop off my urine sample, and while I was there, I briefly had a thought that maybe we should go up to labor and delivery to see if they will check my baby. But I didn't want to end up in the hospital again. I really hated being in the hospital.

We came home and my husband left for work soon after that. It was very difficult being alone while on bedrest. We had no cable yet, but we had set up the internet just the day before. So, I spent the afternoon on the computer instead of laying down. I remember someone asking me if I wanted a boy or a girl, and I said I don't care, I just want my baby to be alive. I think my subconscious was aware of how bad things were, but I wasn't quite admitting it yet.

Something else happened around this time that I am not quite wanting to talk about right now because it still upsets me to the day. All I will say right now is that I became very upset and agitated and I am certain that because of this added stress, my daughter died.

My husband was late coming home from work, and this further upset me. It turned out he stopped to pick up a pizza on the way home. We ate the pizza on the bed so that I didn't have to go up and down the stairs. I remember that we tried to get the baby to kick for Daddy. Because she was very small, we didn't always feel her kicking, even when she was kicking alot. I remember feeling sad that she wasn't kicking. Little did I know....

To Be Continued tomorrow...


You can read the rest of Babybear's story here.

7 comments:

Kimberlee said...

I will be thinking of you and baby bear today.

Jo said...

Big hugs, Ter. Tyla is smiling down on you today, as she is every day. Showering her love on you. When it rains, let the drops splatter on your face for those are Tyla's kisses blown down from Heaven just for you.

Jen Sue Wild said...

{{{{{{{{{{Big hugs}}}}}}}}}}}
I am thinking of you and Tyla today!!

Denise said...

Terri

I am thinking of you, Bryan and Tyla today. I hope that these next few days are gentle on you. Thank you for sharing your story with us all. HUGS

Totallyscrappy said...

I wish I could reach out and massage your grief or offer you a hug or a shoulder to cry on. I hope that sharing your story here helps to lessen your pain and guilt, even if only for a little while.

Sarah C. said...

Thinking of you, your DH and sweet little girl today. (((HUGS))) There wasn't anything you did or didn't do that changed all of your futures. God had a plan. I wish I could explain it. And I know my saying that doesn't make it easier. Someday we'll all understand.

Joc(e) said...

*sigh* These are always so hard to read...but we will always remember. You and Tyla are in my heart always.