This Blog Has Moved!

I moved my blog on New Years Day, 2010. If you haven't come to see my new blog, head on over HERE now. This blog will be available for archive reading but I won't be posting here anymore. I hope you'll join me at my new bloggy home!

p.s. I am slowly but surely moving all the blogs I follow over to the new blog, so if I haven't come to visit you for a while, my advice is to leave a comment on my new blog, so I don't miss you in the shuffle!

About Me

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I am a bereaved mother and wife. I began this blog to help me look for the "good things" in life after my daughter, "Babybear", died in July 2005. Three years later, her daddy, my husband, "Bear", died in November 2008. (You'll find a link to their stories on my blog) And now, as difficult as it is, I continue to look for the good things in my life as I learn my new normal with my pup, "Furrybear", at my side. And the angels on my shoulder...

Thursday, July 24, 2008

The Day I Was Induced

We went back to the hospital on July 24th. I do not remember much about the bulk of the day. I think we slept pretty much most of the day. I remember my husband forcing me to eat a couple slices of the leftover pizza. I remember him phoning the hospital to tell them we are on our way.

We arrive at the hospital, and park in the parkade. It was a very long walk from the car to Labor and Delivery.

I was induced at around 4:20 PM. They tell me it will take about 2 or 3 hours before I start feeling any contractions. However, the first contraction came about 20 minutes later. It was really quick in starting, so looking back, I wonder if my body was starting to realize that I was no longer carrying a live baby.

I am fuzzy on the timeline here. I was given Demerol to help with the pain. Anyone who knows me knows I have low pain tolerance. The Demerol did not help me with my pain, but somehow I put up with the pain. I never asked for more medication. But because my baby was no longer living, they kept pumping me with painkillers.

At one point, someone brought in a tv and vcr for us. My husband watched movies while I slept. I hardly spoke at all. Although I do remember asking a nurse if they could just cut the baby out of me. Or maybe that was the day before when they first told me what my options are.

I remember at one point I felt sick and I told the nurse that I was going to throw up. She turned around to get a pail and as she was about to pass it to me I threw up all over her. I later developed a migraine as my blood pressure raised with the contractions. I had been plagued with migraines for the bulk of the last 10 years at this point. This was also my last migraine. I have not had one since.

I remember they decided it was time for an epidural. They called the anaesthetist to come up. Unfortunately at this point, he is busy with another patient. They thought he would not be up to see me for a while so they gave me some more Demerol. By the time that was starting to kick in, the anaesthetist was there. So, they sat me up for the epidural but I was like jelly, I could not sit up and I was sleepy. He kept asking me to look at him and tell him my name but I could not keep my eyes open long enough to look at him. I guess they decided to go ahead with it and I hardly remember it. I was told later that my husband and a nurse or maybe 2 nurses held me up, because I had fallen back to sleep.

I do not know what time it is at this point. But I think I slept for a few hours. I remember waking up and looking at the clock. It was 10 o'clock AM. I fell back to sleep.

A little while later, I woke up again. I felt like I was dreaming because I could not really see, and I was lightheaded. I could not see my husband. I could not see anyone around me. I started to fall back to sleep when I realized I felt a bubble in my private area. At first I thought it was gas, since I was basically numb. Then I realized what it really was. It was my baby's head!

Please come back tomorrow for the next excerpt of this story.

You can read the rest of the excerpts by clicking here.


Jo said...

I am so sorry. I am sorry too, that your memories of the birth of your child are such sad ones.


Denise said...

I know that the experience of giving birth to a child that is not living is the worst experience anyone should ever experience but your experience was horrible and seemed to last forever. I am so sorry hun I wish that things were better during that time. Thank you so much for sharing your very painful experience.

Reamers Angels said...

I am so very sorry for your loss and pain, and everything you went through, I truely share you pain. I know how hard it is to tell your angels story but, thatnk you so much for allowing me to know her, just a little and you all as well.


P.S. thank you you also for looking at my blog and sharing my angels.

Joc(e) said...

Even though your daughter was born silently, I am glad you were able to witness her birth. She was yours and will always be yours. (((Ter and Tyla)))