This Blog Has Moved!

I moved my blog on New Years Day, 2010. If you haven't come to see my new blog, head on over HERE now. This blog will be available for archive reading but I won't be posting here anymore. I hope you'll join me at my new bloggy home!

p.s. I am slowly but surely moving all the blogs I follow over to the new blog, so if I haven't come to visit you for a while, my advice is to leave a comment on my new blog, so I don't miss you in the shuffle!

About Me

My photo
I am a bereaved mother and wife. I began this blog to help me look for the "good things" in life after my daughter, "Babybear", died in July 2005. Three years later, her daddy, my husband, "Bear", died in November 2008. (You'll find a link to their stories on my blog) And now, as difficult as it is, I continue to look for the good things in my life as I learn my new normal with my pup, "Furrybear", at my side. And the angels on my shoulder...

Friday, October 30, 2009

Haunted by What Should've Been.

So, today, the day before Halloween, which happens to also be my brother's a day that haunts me....

... because today is my EDD (expected due date) anniversary.

So, I should be having a little birthday party this weekend for a 4 year old girl.

But instead, once again, I will put on my "happy mask" and await the trick-or-treaters that will come to my door tomorrow night.

I will, once again, hold back tears whenever I see a little girl dressed up as a princess or some other adorable costume.

This year, I will also be completely alone, and won't be able to go upstairs when it's all done and crawl into bed where my husband can give me a hug, as he has the last few years, except last year, when he was in the hospital. But last year, I still had a tiny glimmer of hope.

This year, I am handing out potato chips instead of candy. The potato chips are in honor of my husband because he had a chip addiction like none other I've ever seen. We could never give out chips before because he probably would've sat down and ate them all in one sitting. Oh yes, it was that bad.

But today, I think, what hurts the most is that today was supposed to be my little girl's birthday. Except that on the day of my EDD in 2005, she had already been dead and gone for 3 months.

Today, also, is 1 year since Emma saw her daddy.

Normally, I'd post this over at my other blog but I don't know if anyone would read it, and I really need a hug today.

Even if I have to settle for a virtual hug. :(


Caitlin said...

I'm so sorry Ter. Sending you a virtual hug from IDaho! And happy 4th birthday, Babybear. I don't know why things turned out the way that they did-it sucks.

Ter said...

it's not her birthday though. It SHOULD have been, but it's not. Her birthday is July 25. (but she died on July 22)

*sigh* I know, complicated, right? That's why people in general just "forget about it" because it's got too many dates to remember. Normally people are born then they die and that's that. :(

Lana@The Kids Did WHAT?! said...


momtimes4 said...

The what-should've-beens are so sad. I'm sorry you've been given such a raw deal Terri.

Susan said...

Sending a big virtual hug. Halloween week has been hard on me this week without an added "date" thrown in. I LOVE that you are giving our chips in honor of Bear.

Thanks for sharing this "should-have-been" day even though, like you have said, it is complicated. It makes sense to me though.

Emalee said...

hugs my dear! I am thinking of you!!

Naomi said...


Vickie said...

Hugs and thinking of you.

Anjeny said...

My heart is breaking for you Ter. I do wish that I was closer so I can come to your house and give you a REAL hug. So here's some virtual {{hugs}} and loads of ♥ from your islander friend. You are always in my thoughts and prayers.

Laurie in Ca. said...

Oh Ter, I am sending you the hugest virtual hug today and lots of love and prayers too. I am so sorry this hurts so much and I love the chips idea. What an honor to your love.

Love and Hugs, Laurie

Jenners said...

Sending you hugs and eating some chips in your husband's honor. I wish I was there to hang out with you.

The Redhead Riter said...

Double, double toil and trouble;
fire burn and cauldron bubble.
~ Shakespeare "Macbeth"~


That's a new brew to heal your broken heart ♥

Shea said...


MemeGRL said...

I'm behind in my reader reading and just seeing this post today. I'm hoping the passing of the day has helped the pain ease even a little. I know I'm a mess around anniversaries and so I have some inkling of what you are going through there. Hope you are hanging in!

Karen said...

I'm sorry I'm not online regularly these days, Ter, but I'm thinking of you today and sending you much love. Thinking of your baby girl and your husband and wishing they were with you still. I think handing out chips in memory of your husband was a lovely tribute. Big, big (((hugs)))

Michelle said...