So, today, the day before Halloween, which happens to also be my brother's birthday...is a day that haunts me....
... because today is my EDD (expected due date) anniversary.
So, I should be having a little birthday party this weekend for a 4 year old girl.
But instead, once again, I will put on my "happy mask" and await the trick-or-treaters that will come to my door tomorrow night.
I will, once again, hold back tears whenever I see a little girl dressed up as a princess or some other adorable costume.
This year, I will also be completely alone, and won't be able to go upstairs when it's all done and crawl into bed where my husband can give me a hug, as he has the last few years, except last year, when he was in the hospital. But last year, I still had a tiny glimmer of hope.
This year, I am handing out potato chips instead of candy. The potato chips are in honor of my husband because he had a chip addiction like none other I've ever seen. We could never give out chips before because he probably would've sat down and ate them all in one sitting. Oh yes, it was that bad.
But today, I think, what hurts the most is that today was supposed to be my little girl's birthday. Except that on the day of my EDD in 2005, she had already been dead and gone for 3 months.
Today, also, is 1 year since Emma saw her daddy.
Normally, I'd post this over at my other blog but I don't know if anyone would read it, and I really need a hug today.
Even if I have to settle for a virtual hug. :(
- I am a bereaved mother and wife. I began this blog to help me look for the "good things" in life after my daughter, "Babybear", died in July 2005. Three years later, her daddy, my husband, "Bear", died in November 2008. (You'll find a link to their stories on my blog) And now, as difficult as it is, I continue to look for the good things in my life as I learn my new normal with my pup, "Furrybear", at my side. And the angels on my shoulder...