This Blog Has Moved!

I moved my blog on New Years Day, 2010. If you haven't come to see my new blog, head on over HERE now. This blog will be available for archive reading but I won't be posting here anymore. I hope you'll join me at my new bloggy home!

p.s. I am slowly but surely moving all the blogs I follow over to the new blog, so if I haven't come to visit you for a while, my advice is to leave a comment on my new blog, so I don't miss you in the shuffle!

About Me

My photo
I am a bereaved mother and wife. I began this blog to help me look for the "good things" in life after my daughter, "Babybear", died in July 2005. Three years later, her daddy, my husband, "Bear", died in November 2008. (You'll find a link to their stories on my blog) And now, as difficult as it is, I continue to look for the good things in my life as I learn my new normal with my pup, "Furrybear", at my side. And the angels on my shoulder...

Sunday, June 15, 2008

The Day I Landed In The Hospital

Three years ago today, I left work early to go to a doctor's appointment. My husband was going to meet me there.

When we arrived, my doctor took my blood pressure and told me that she thought I should go to the emergency room to have them check my blood pressure there too because it seemed high to her.

This is the same doctor that has been telling me my blood pressure is on the high side for several years. More on this at a later date.

So, we went across the street to the hospital, and they made us wait for over 2 hours before they even came in the room to check on me. It was probably closer to 3 hours because of the time in the waiting room too.

By then I am tired, I'm hungry, my husband has called into work to say he is not coming to work. Finally, the doctor came in and was asking me why I am at this hospital, they don't deliver babies anymore, and I should go to the other hospital.

We go to the other hospital, and I am in their labor and delivery for, I don't even know how long. I just remember being very cranky and hungry and I had to pee. They kept telling me that I can't move while they are testing my blood pressure for over a period of 1 hour. But I said, I HAVE TO PEE, not going to the bathroom was making my blood boil even more.

Next thing I know, they are telling my husband they are going to keep me over night and they put me in a room for the night. Well, now I'm really upset but I'm too exhausted to complain too much. I think at this point I am still wearing my work clothes and they give me a gown for the night.

Next day, I ended up back in labor and delivery because my blood pressure went up again. And I was suffering severe migraines, which have plagued me for most of my recent years at this point. Really, my time line might be wrong, so forgive me. It is not a period of time that I am all that interested in thinking about, but it is part of my daughter's history, so I will endure.

My husband came to pick me up but they told him that I have to stay another night. He didn't bring me a change of clothes or anything, so I had to stay in the gown. It went on like this for 2 weeks, they kept saying you can go home tomorrow, and then my husband would come and not have anything for me. After the first week, he finally brought me some clean underwear and a toothbrush.

It was really difficult being in the hospital. I didn't know how long I was there for and when I would be able to go home. I had a roommate in the room who had a constant stream of people coming in and they were loud and filled the room up and I am uneasy in crowds of any kind. I felt claustrophobic.

I would wander the halls and they would ask me what's wrong but the only thing wrong was that I wanted to go home and I was bored to death. I have a hearing loss so I couldn't use the phone to talk to people, I couldn't rent a tv for my room because what would be the point because every day I thought I was going home the next day. That's what they told me, anyway.

My husband worked nights at the time, so his visiting time was limited. I had a couple of other visitors but no one stayed long and everyone thought I was leaving the next day so some of them didn't come.

Both of our families live at least three hours away. My mom and my brother did come one day but it was a difficult visit, and ended on a bad note with me being even more upset about being in the hospital. It all started because I couldn't understand why they wanted me to use a wheelchair to go to the cafeteria.

It was during this time at the hospital that I had another ultrasound and the doctor told me that there might be some troubles. In my understanding, it was "this could happen" but reality was that it was already happening. No one was clear to me that I was already suffering the effects of preeclampsia. They all told me that my baby will be born early. She was due in October, but they figured she would be born in August and maybe September.

At this time, I am 20 weeks pregnant and they tell me that when I am 25 weeks pregnant they will give me ultrasounds daily or every other day. And that when the baby was showing signs of trouble, they would take her out. I didn't know she was a girl at this point.

I was given several medications for my blood pressure. They kept telling me it was still too high to go home. I guess everyone was surprised that I had such high blood pressure and I was still conscious and not feeling the effects of it other than my headache and migraines. To me, that was normal. I have had those for as long as I could remember, and it had nothing to do with being pregnant.

When they finally let me go home, they told me to continue my bedrest at home and keep my feet up. I was like WHAT? No one told me that I was supposed to be laying down most of the time. Sitting up a bit too. No one told me this, and the whole time I was in the hospital I was wandering the halls and rarely laying down during the day. If I had known just how bad things were with my daughter, I would've stayed so still.

I only had 6 more weeks with my babybear. Oh how I wish things could've been different....


Jo said...


Zackery's Mom said...

Oh how true.. if we had only known.
I had no indication what so ever that things were going to go oh so wrong.
It just seems so unfair even today, that our children aren't with us.
Big ((hugs)) Terri!

Sarah C. said...

Ter, big ((HUGS)).

Dawn said...

That's a very sad story, but I think it's good you are able to tell it. I think that talking about hard times and letting your feelings out is better than keeping them bottled up inside. I wish things could have been different for you, and I hope that the future has only goods things for you.

Wendi said...

I so appreciated your comment on my blog. My heart just aches for you. I'm so sorry.
I am always glad to know others who have 'been there'. I would never wish the loss of a child on any one - this is a club that we all joined against our will. But it is a comfort to know there are those who can say, "I know what you are going through". And really mean it. I pray that you will be comforted during this time of remembering.

Joc(e) said...

(((HUGS))) I didn't even have headaches...if I hadn't started bleeding, maybe I wouldn't have known my BP was so high until my next regular OB visit, or worse, until I had a seizure or something. It all just sucks. :-(

Dana said...

(Heavy, Heavy, Heavy Sigh)

Kimberlee said...

I wish they could have been different as well. Thank-you for sharing this chronicle of Baby Bear with us.